Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
