I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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