Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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