Will you blow on my dice?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
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So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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