I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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