I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
