if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
