i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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