my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
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he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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