what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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