Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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