Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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