I wish I could teleport
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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