i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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