Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
