I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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