On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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