There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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