Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
