Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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