how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
