the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
