The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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