He kissed a someone with a penis
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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