my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
