She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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