Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize