when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
