Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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