i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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