A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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