Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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