I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
