i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
