how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
