the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
His nipple licking is glorious
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