wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
