you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
