I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
