FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
