I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
