there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NoShamevember. You game?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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