I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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