Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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