I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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