there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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