I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
