I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
