Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
