He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
