You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.