we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.