He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet