Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
