I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
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Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
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Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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