Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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