If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
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We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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