mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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