once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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