I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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