she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
