Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
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MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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