i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
