the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i love accidental penises.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
