I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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